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28.10.2018

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Tutorial 3: Dealing lovingly with your partner's wishes

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18 Pages, 205 KB

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Excerpts of the Content:

1 Why a tutorial?

An insight we might admit to from our personal as well as our professional world might be that:

Partnerships do not collapse because of a lack of love
but rather from a lack of knowledge.
If we knew more we would make them work better.


Does that seem too easy? Perhaps, but it is easy to agree that we all want the same things, i.e. happiness and contentment - especially in a partnership. But how can we achieve them?  ... more

2 Everyday challenges

Example 1:
Jan and Luisa have been married for a few years and work in different advertising agencies. The birth of their daughter Janina has turned their lives around. Jan arranged to take three months off work so the young family could spend quality time growing together. It was a wonderful time but it passed all too quickly and all too soon Jan had to go back to work full time.
At first, he pines for his family and they miss him. However, after some time they both adjust to the new routine. Luisa bonds more and more intimately with her daughter, who has already developed a personality and is taking up all her time. They spend every afternoon in the fresh air and once a week visit some other young mothers they had met in the delivery ward.
Soon, Jan’s job is demanding his full attention. Often, he doesn’t get home before 8 p.m. and is disappointed to find Janina already in bed.
Having consulted lots of friends, Luisa decided to breast feed her baby. This means that Janina spends most of the night in the big bed but Jan barely notices. Of course this has affected their love life and at first it is not a problem. ...more

Example 2:
Sebastian and Sabrina have been married for 20 years. Their only child Rolf has left home to follow in his father’s footsteps and study law. Sebastian has a successful practice, which employs several people. He owes his success to his ability to work hard. “There are no free rides,” he likes to say.
Sabrina, a passionate equestrian, has a big circle of friends. For years, she has been supporting her friend Anke, who runs her own stables. In the early stages, Sabrina had helped with advertising and later with ad-ministration when things were up and running. Sabrina’s most recent suggestion was the opening of a small upmarket shop for riders in an unused stall.
There are often weeks when Sebastian and Sabrina hardly see each other. Sebastian leaves home early while Sabrina is still in the shower. Sebastian often has to meet clients in the evening. However, they regularly phone and bring each other up to date.
Owing to two new clients his firm took on over the last several months, Sebastian’s work load has increased still further. This means that Sabrina has been seeing even less of him in the evenings. Although she keeps busy and, among other things, has recently been volunteering in a social organization, she misses her husband.... more

3 Some basic thoughts

Love and relationship – what does it mean?

  • Are you familiar with these or similar scenes?
  • Is one allowed to express a wish in a relationship?
  • Does my partner have to accept my wish?
  • If my partner knows me and loves me, how come he/she does not know what I want?
  • Isn’t it normal, that love changes. Isn’t it important to focus on the positive and not to signal dissatisfaction by constantly express-ing wishes?
  • Might wishes remain unexpressed out of fear of the partner’s rejection?

and more ....